• weestefan

Would I Be More Appealing If I Had My Own Place?

My answer. Not very much. You're already quite cool enough. I've had boyfriends and girlfriends before when I was living at my mums. I just wished I had more time alone with them when they were visiting me. I started university in August last year. I was going to a new city 50 miles away so I had to get my own place. I wanted piece and quiet so avoided the student halls and got my own rented flat. It was quite lovely. I felt like a big shot for a while in my fancy one bedroom house. I had my internet, cable and Playstation 4 all set up. Even had a vinyl player to look extra cool. I was quite excited. I thought I'd have a romantic place. Well my flat was ready for the men and the women but I soon found out I was completely not. For me I soon found out the stressful side of continually running and maintaining your own flat is the time and energy it takes away from you. Always having to clean the flat and do the dishes is challenging. Having to deal with house repairs and calling out engineers when something goes wrong with your boiler whilst having anxiety / depression is extremely hard. The stresses of learning how to run a home were completely new and unknown to me and it can said people with Asperger's Syndrome / Autism are not the best at adapting to such big sudden changes.

Don't get me started on the money side of things. That stressed me out really bad. Every two weeks some new bill would pop up and I'd get annoyed so I would be less likely to jump on the dating apps. With being away from my mums I had less opportunity for support for dealing with these continuous stresses which left me with less resources and time for dating than I originally had when I was still living at my mums.

So see some key points here on why having my own place made feel less appealing and have less dates Living at mums; My Finances = Higher Rent = Lower Mental Energy = Higher House tasks = Lower Time for dating apps = Higher Successful dates / relationships = 4 In my own place My Finances = Much lower Rent = Higher Mental Energy = Lower House tasks = Higher Time for dating apps = About the same but when I was stressed I was less likely to use them Successful dates = 1 Personally I've found I have more dates when I've more energy, free time and less stressed. So having my own flat made me less appealing to people because I was always stressed out and spending too much time paying bills and doing the housework.

This is my own personal experience in my life so far at 23.

At least I gave experiencing my own place a mighty good try. It will be a year or two before I try again.

Living on my own proved to be isolating and scary in the end. If you have a choice try not to move out with such haste or travel alone.

Next time I won't be so far away from my support network.

*picture by Myriams-Fotos https://pixabay.com/en/users/Myriams-Fotos-1627417/

#Love #Relationships #Dates #Autism #Home

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